Using a sex toy for the first time is a big thing. There’s hundreds of toys to chose from and lots of things in and out of the bedroom to consider.
We’re so grateful to our friend Beth who wrote this piece for us on her experience of choosing and then using a toy for the first time….
Prior to seeing an advert on createexplore for a blogger, I had never really thought of myself as someone who would write about my sex life. Probably because it is so stigmatised. The whole journey felt empowering.
I have wanted to try sex toys for a long time but felt they were ‘too kinky’ or ‘too loud’ – what if next door caught on? I decided these worries were silly and it would be a good idea to try sex toys for beginners. The first step in doing this was taking The Temperature Test under Ember’s advice. It was an amazingly easy test and asked me what my preferences were in the bedroom – things ranging from quite simple questions as to whether I wanted a toy for a penis or clit, my experience with sex toys as well as what sort of orgasms I like the most, it asked if I liked intense pressure on my clit, the big O from oral, or external and internal pressure. There were also some questions about how kinky you feel you are and logistics such as pricing.
After this test I decided to go with what it had chosen for me – a small battery powered bullet vibrator called Rocks Off Touch of Velvet Peacock Petals. This was because I trusted the process but also because, being new to sex toys, I wouldn’t know where to start otherwise. When I first received the vibrator the first thing, I did was check how loud it was (so I would be reassured no one other than my partner would know). It wasn’t very loud; it was quiet if anything at all. A few days later, after telling myself no one I didn’t want to know or hear would know, I tried it. I have since realised that it is ‘normal’ to own a sex toy and that the embarrassment and worry I was feeling about next-door hearing or other people finding out is borne of misogyny in society.
The experience, at first at least, was an odd one. It felt a bit ticklish and a bit numb on my clit after I had used it, but I felt empowered. I did not get to orgasm the first time – probably because I had built it up to be a big moment in my head and it was actually not that big of a deal. The second time was plain sailing and I orgasmed pretty much instantly. This was because I was less worried as I had done it before, and no one knew! But also, because I challenged my own thoughts on using sex toys as being taboo, that society frowns upon it, and that the female orgasm and even female pleasure is often secondary in our male dominated world. I have even found through experience with my partner who happens to be a trans female this applies to trans women who may not be able to masturbate in the same way they were able to prior to hormone therapies. She felt she should not own sex toys for the same reasons: that it is ‘taboo’ and therefore scary.
For people who are wanting to try sex toys I would say go for it! It is so empowering and pretty much everyone you know, other than asexual folx/people, want to enjoy their sexual experiences and sex toys are likely to help with that. As more and more people realise this is ‘normal’, sex toys and enjoyable sex in general will become less stigmatised which can only be a good thing.